i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
