Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
