how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
