i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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