Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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