Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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