Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
