This is not my ceiling
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
