the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
