I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
