____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
