You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
