Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
