I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
