Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
