would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
