it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
