Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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