I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Randomize
