listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
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