No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
there is glitter all over my balls
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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