Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
