Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
