I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
