I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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