I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
