i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
