so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
