I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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