Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
