sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
