9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
