Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
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