I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
The uberlube is also flammable
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize