so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I have aggressive nipples.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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