I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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