My nipple is on Facebook.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
