I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
