One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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