one word: firstdatebathroomanal
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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