I am in a vortex of obligation.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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