I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize