Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
we're making bets on your personal life
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
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