Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
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