They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
