your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
