and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Randomize
