Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Randomize
