But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Randomize
