As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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