this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I got her a Nickelback box set.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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