I cannot find my penis.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
