nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Randomize
