Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
