he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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