Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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