I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
My orgasm happened in two different decades
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
