Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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