Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize