just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
