she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
