whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I need to stop coming to work sober
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
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