dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize