When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
