Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
