p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize