after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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