Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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