walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
