Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
