Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Just high enough for therapy.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
