I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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